How to choose an Appropriate Republican Presidential Candidate for the 2012 Election.

These days, the Republican Party seems to possess more of the characteristics of the Democratic Party logo known as the donkey, mule, or even the jackass. Shifting through the endless trail of donkey excrement to find the best-suited Republican Party representative for the 2012 Presidential election can be likened to a game of pin the tail on the donkey. In this rendition of the popular kid’s game, voters must blindly and dizzily jab the loftiest Republican tale to the biggest Republican butt. Perhaps more appropriately, voters are in a game of matching each Republican donkey to the most appropriate rhetorical tall tale. This would undoubtedly be a case where size does matter, and it would only make sense that the Republican who is matched to the smallest tale is to be viewed as the most appropriate candidate.

Rhetoric, Rhetoric, Rhetoric-Oh how I love thee! How much rhetoric can one Republican spit? Clearly, we are now willingly facing a firing squad of 16 spitting Republicans, so get out your protective gear and invest in some tissue paper. While Social Security and the economy are hot topics among the current Republican contenders, demoralizing the current President seems greater goal for all of the current Republican candidates. Perhaps they feel that spitting in the face of the current President can only help lube the way for their slippery accent up the candidate ladder. So spin that bottle to see which candidate swaps spit with the least amount of lip service, surely the candidate with the least amount of tongue and softest touch will emerge as best suited for the election.

Perchance we should cordially sit down with the candidates and surmise the best choice while enjoying some tea and crumpets. After all, the Tea Party is the party that all of the cool kids are invited to. Tea is the new black electoral fashion. Yet, once that tea has been forced down the throat of all who attend this nice little party, the leaves left in the bottom of the cup have powers that can predict the future and answer some of life’s toughest questions. Bottoms up on the herbal drink of the Gods and find your answer for the Republican Presidential candidate staring at you from the bottom of your fancy gold leafed teacup. Choose a chamomile tea and you will even be secured with a good night’s rest and no chance of fretting over your selection that was left to fortune and faith. Perhaps this has been the secret of the Tea Party all along.

Perhaps the luck of the draw is just what we need to make a selection from the current candidate pool. If straw candidates are all we can get then maybe the idea of selecting a paramount straw might be just oxymoronic enough to work. Dunks those straws into your drinks, you are going to need that liquid courage to live with the straw you draw!

So, how do we choose a Republican presidential candidate for the 2012 election? In my opinion, it does not matter who is selected. This debacle of inconsistency, bickering, and indecisiveness has ruined the chances for any Republican candidate that is selected to beat the current President.

Obama is currently the lesser of all evils, although, I do not believe we will be having tea together anytime soon!